bittersweet december days.

the beginning of december is always bittersweet. leaving thanksgiving and being thankful most for the people in my life. while also being sad about the people i've lost, especially when momentous days like a special little brother's birthday arrive.... and this year, being so very much aware that i must say goodbye yet again, this time to people i love most right now in a few short months.

i treasure my friendships all the more because of the ones i have lost. i value the people in my life and hold them so close to my heart. "because life is relationships, the rest is just details... "  that's how the saying goes, right?


likewise, i'm trapped in a place of uncertainty. afraid of the future that awaits. afraid of walking away from what is known and loved and appreciated so much. afraid of being forgotten and meaningless. i'm trapped feeling like no one else understands, even though i know that's not true. and then the words of a song i hear while studying speak directing to these fears...

and when the hour is upon us, and our beauty surely gone... 

no you will not be forgotten, and you will not be alone. 
no you will not be alone. 

and when the day has all but ended, and our echo starts to fade.. 

no you will not be alone then, and you will not be afraid. 
no you will not be afraid. 

so just slide over here, leave your fear in the fray. 

let us hold to each other, till the end of our days. 

i hope you know that you mean the world to me, my dearest friends.  i've lost much, and yet gained so much more through your lives in mine. so while december is bittersweet. it is much more sweet than bitter knowing you are all in my life for such a time as this. yes, i may still have my sad moments, my random tears, hugs, and words of love from time to time... but that is just because i never want to miss an opportunity to tell you how much you mean to me before it's time to say goodbye.

love and ramblings,
me.