words to the hurting and broken soul

I have to write my 'theology of suffering' for class tomorrow. This assignment is more challenging than I expected. I mean, wow, I thought I could answer it... I've been there. I've experienced suffering. a lot of suffering.... I don't even know where to begin, mostly because in all those moments of suffering, sometimes the words just aren't there.... How do you give a truthful answer and believe it? How do you see the light in the midst of all the darkness? How do you answer the questions?

why is this happening to me? 
will it ever stop? 

These are the words I wish someone would have told me, as well as the words I've come to find as truth in the worst of circumstances.

dear depths of despair,
dear tears that never end,
dear suffocating feeling,
dear hurting soul,
dear no hope in sight....

YOU are not alone.
you are NOT alone.
you are not ALONE.

it's okay to feel the way you do. it's okay to cry. to weep. to be so overwhelmed with grief that it hurts your very soul. it's okay to see the reality of your situation. that life fucking sucks sometimes. that death, that suffering, that pain, that disaster.... are all VERY REAL. that pain suffocates. it cuts deep. it hurts. more than words can express.

please know i'll be with you. i'll sit with you. i'll cry with you. i'll hold you.

because i completely understand. i've hurt to the depth of my being. i've felt all alone in a crowded room of people all trying to comfort me.

let it all out. cry. weep. sob.
let it all out. yell. curse. scream.
let it all out. frustrations. questions. confusions.

because holding it in doesn't help you. them. anyone.



and for the person who is still suffering but looking for hope::

dear recovering soul,
dear searching for truth,
dear reaching for the light of hope,

the reality is that life is full of horrible, ugly, hurtful stuff. the hope is that we have a God who is incomprehensibly good.and it is only through him that we can find life again after these things happen to us.

seek out truth. seek out hope. seek out love.

because no matter how much shit happens to us. no matter how much the pain seeps into the depths of our being..... this can't be all there is to life.

there must be redemption.
there must be hope.
there must be healing.
there must be something more than this.
for me. for you. for all of us.


because when i was all alone, when i felt it was all my fault, when there was a feeling of utter helplessness. when the pain was to much to endure.

my God was there. he was always there.
and he is bigger than my nightmares. my storms. my fears.
he can comfort my sufferings. my tears. my hurting heart.
he can lift me up out of all the bad stuff in life, to a place of refuge and peace.
he has never failed me.. the way man, disease, and death have..

he is what i cling to when all of life fails me. he is all i have. he is the only person who will never fail me.

there HAS to be hope.
because my God is the God of hope.
there HAS to be restoration.
because my God is the God of restoration.
there HAS to be good in the midst of the bad.
because my God is a good God.

because no matter how much suffering happens, his love is always greater than my pain.

if you take anything away from this... please know that you are not alone.
you may not be able to comprehend the good in the midst of the bad.
you may not be able to hold on to hope.

but always remember::

you are not alone.
it's okay to feel the way you feel.
just let it all out.

i love you.
i'll always be here.
just let it all out.

God will never leave you, in fact, his greatest desire is to draw you close, to pull you into his chest and wipe away your tears. to whisper in your ear, "i love you. i love you. i love you."

listen in the silence that suffering brings.
listen for his voice whispering,
"i love you, i love you, i love you."
and let it all out.